Name of Person Reporting Incident:
La Rhonda Crosby-Johnson
Location of Incident:
Bay Area Non-Profit
Time/ Date of Incident:
early 1990s
Circumstances of Incident:
- Discrimination based on: gender
- Event by type: microaggressions in the workplace
Description of the Incident:
Over the course of almost 3 years, I came under attack from superiors because I refused to ‘play ball with the boys’ (a direct quote from another female employee in a director position. She’d been the sole female for over a decade.) I was belittled for my caring and compassion to the communities being served, which is the reason I was in the work in the first place. The men in leadership and direct supervision to me saw the work only in terms of numbers and money they could access. I was reprimanded and passed over because I refused to play along – manipulating numbers, being less than honest in communication with community and other agencies. One example that still haunts me to this day is being called into a meeting and told that a big box store needed employees. As part of my work, included job training, preparation and placement I was excited and immediately asked how many slots my department could recruit. The number was large. I began to see the lives of some of my families changing as people who had been unsuccessful in gaining employment would be able to help their families financially. I was told to tell them the position was permanent. I was then told that the job would only last for 1 – 3 months. I let my clients know the jobs were available AND that they would be temporary; giving them the choice to decide if they wanted to take temporary work or use their energy looking for permanent employment. Needless to say my time with this organization came to an end.
What have you thought about since the incident took place?
It took me almost 3 years to feel healed from this experience. Immediately following my firing, which they called a “layoff” I had feelings of great worthlessness. I felt like a failure and was grieved that a community that I loved was now left without someone in a leadership position who genuinely cared for and about them. Added to that, several of my staff stood with me in integrity and were also fired. I felt personally responsible for the difficulty and stress unemployment causes. Now that much time has passed I am able to look at the entire thing as a tremendous learning experience; one that strengthened me and gave me the opportunity to learn to value myself for who I was and not just on what I could do.
How were you affected by what happened?
This experience had physical (appetite/weight loss), emotional (irritability, isolation, shame) and spiritual impacts (questioning my purpose.) Not everything was negative. I was placed in a position where I had to learn how to let others care for me and understand the mutuality of giving. As the caretaker and “go-to” person, this was originally very uncomfortable but has been a gift that keeps on giving.
Who else was affected by what happened and how?
My family – loss of income and dealing with my initial adjustment to being unemployed. I realized as time went on that they were less impacted by my firing than they were watching me endure the stress while working in that environment. My staff (5 of the 9, the other 4 chose self-preservation and sided with the “enemy” as I called them.) Three were single parents and I worried about how they would be able to sustain themselves and their children. The community – they had an experience of mistrust with programs and the parent organization for my program. It took a lot for them to trust and now we were gone.
What do you think needs to happen to make things as right as possible?
The issue that caused this is SO institutional. Part of it has to do with the complete and total disregard for the lives of marginalized communities and the people who serve them. In the immediate, serving from a place of integrity and commitment and not expediency which in this case lead to corruption. In the long term a complete overhaul of how service is provided and how success is determined.
What do you need for your healing?
What I needed was time to rest physically, emotionally and to re-center myself spiritually. I needed time away from non-profit work and time to consider my options moving forward. I needed and received support from others once I told my story. I was amazed at how many other women, particularly Black and other women of color who had similar stories. I needed to honor the work I’d done and separate what was within my power and what was much bigger than me.
